Playing at Frugality… or Really Living It?
Readers often tell me that they would like to be more frugal but that they don’t want a lifestyle of “living poor” and “doing without.” What they don’t realize is that there IS another way. Actually, I have serious objections to much of the frugal advice out there because it offers only quick-fix extreme measures that… like a crash diet… can’t be lived with for very long. Extreme frugality sets up feelings of deprivation that almost always lead to bouts of spending… the money that you gave up so much to save gets spent impulsively and you’re back to square one. To me, that yo-yo cycle of deprivation/splurging, deprivation/splurging is playing at frugality, not living it. Oddly, finding a level of frugality you CAN live with for the rest of your life is much, much easier.
Since many of you have asked me to share more about our own financial situation, I will start by saying that although we have been completely debt-free for several years, this financial freedom did not happen overnight. Our story is not unusual. When our children were young I was a stay-at-home mother and we lived on only one income. Since then we have always been self-employed and worked together… first with a brick-and-mortar business we started ourselves, then with a mail order business for a product line we developed, and now through free-lance writing. We started our married life with student loan debt and no savings… no family financial help and no legacies. We have always had an adequate (but not above average) income, and we have had our share of lean times and financial setbacks. I would be the last to say that achieving financial security is easy. It requires dedication, flexibility, consistency, moderation, and lots and lots of just plain hard work. But financial security IS possible, and our journey to the life we have now was by way of a normal, happy family life… there was no miserliness… we LIVED… and that life was never “just getting by.”
To the world I imagine our life looks pretty much like anyone else’s. We have a newish car, a nice house, quality furniture, appliances, and “things.” However, there are differences that aren’t visible… the house is mortgage-free… we paid cash for the car and the furniture and appliances… we have money available when and if we need it. Each month we add to the comfortable sum we have saved for any future eventuality and the emergency funds for anything unexpected that might happen now. We can live the life we want to live, do the work we want to do, and spend where we want to spend because we have achieved financial security. Frugality was the tool that gave us this freedom.
Frugality isn’t some scary unknown that will separate you from a normal existence or deprive you from having good things in your life. And I can’t tell you how to be frugal, because my style of frugality will not be the same as yours. However, I CAN tell you some basic principles of frugality that will work for everyone…
~ always living within your means
~ limiting waste, and
~ using your resources wisely for YOUR priorities
It really is that simple.
The most difficult part of living frugally for real might even be the initial realization that for most people there is no fast track to financial security. Unless your income is unusually high, your expenses are unusually low, and up until now you have just been throwing your money away… it is going to take some time to pay off debts, build up savings, and prioritize your values. However, with real frugality your life WILL start to change for the better immediately… and if you stay on track, financial security WILL follow.
It’s a judgmental world as far as frugality is concerned, and most people have preconceived ideas of what is or is not frugal or how frugal people are supposed to live. The reality is that in true frugality there is never just one right way. Different people can reach the same goal by very different means.
Written by Shirley | Filed Under Frugality, Personal, Simple Living, Voluntary Simplicity
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Comments
Comment by slawebb:
We still have debt, but we are working to become debt-free…again. We did it once so we know we can do it! It DOES take commitment. We are now living within our means. Some months it is really, really close. But we are being blessed because we have made the commitment to do it!
Like you said, frugality is personal. It’s hard when you are getting started. Everyone can find a way to cut back or earn more, redistribute the funds coming in. And after you do it for a little while it becomes second nature!
Comment by Anna:
This article is 100% on the mark. Living frugal isn’t a process of cutting everything out of your life that isn’t 100% essential. That’s a recipe for failure, you can’t live like that your whole life. Living frugal means you make changes in your life that improve your finances and that you can live with forever. It really is like a diet, you need to think long term. Thanks for posting about this, this really needs to be said because there is so much misinformation out there.
Comment by Richard K.:
One of the points you made really sticks in my head:
“I can’t tell you how to be frugal, because my style of frugality will not be the same as yours.
What a refreshing outlook in a world where one size tries to fit all. Something I spend money on might be absolutely vital to me but look like a frivolous luxury to my neighbor, and vice versa. So which of us is right? Maybe we both are, and what’s good for me isn’t necessarily good for him.
Thanks for such a balanced post. You are doing good work — I am thoroughly enjoying the rest of the blog as well.
Comment by Zana Hart:
I really like how you compare bouts of frugality to crash diets! It’s so true, and I wonder how people who are currently trying to be frugal because of the economic downturn will cope when they want to go splurge and don’t really have the means.
My husband is world-class frugal by nature but I am not really. But enough has rubbed off on me that we have been able to do things that friends of ours making twice our income (or more) can’t seem to afford!
Comment by Thevail:
I keep trying to explain this very point to friends and relatives! Frugality isn’t about “wintering over” in a teepee heated only with downed branches and eating rice and beans for every meal. To us it’s about identifying and then creating a lifestyle that we LOVE and are happy with, that just happens to cost less than we make.
Sure, we’d love to spend the winters on the med.. who wouldn’t.. but it isn’t something that we sit at home and moan about all winter. Who does?
Sometimes I think that there’s a really strange level of expectation built up by our society and the media as to what “middle class” and “acceptable lifestyle” really mean. It seems to lead a lot of people to a place where they feel really deprived because they can’t just have ALL of it. Furs, jewels, the latest electronics and spend the winter in Italy.
But realistically, that has NEVER been a normal lifestyle for anyone but the less than 1% of people worldwide who are “Rockafeller Rich”.
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