Comments on: When Christmas Isn’t So Merry http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/ About finding balance in your life, connecting with who you are, and creating a lifestyle where you wake up each morning eagerly anticipating the day ahead. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:29:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Dmarie http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/#comment-95416 Dmarie http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/?p=1350#comment-95416 I talked my family into a "make it/bake it/grow it/sew it" Christmas. Tho' no cheaper, it was MOST memorable...but tougher to fulfill, so the unintended consequence was that we've since stopped swapping gifts among the adults. gotta love that!! I talked my family into a “make it/bake it/grow it/sew it” Christmas. Tho’ no cheaper, it was MOST memorable…but tougher to fulfill, so the unintended consequence was that we’ve since stopped swapping gifts among the adults. gotta love that!!

]]> By: liz http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/#comment-94534 liz http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/?p=1350#comment-94534 Everyone needs to stop worrying about making everyone in a family "happy". Our family has attacked our addiction to materialism directly and Christmas was affected but also very much celebrated. With music, decorating and food we don't usually eat (we call it special time food). If that makes someone unhappy, we really have no control over that at all. Some members of our family have tried to give us money as we are making our own laundry soap and have gotten rid of a lot of our things. This made us laugh because we are not poor and suffering just trying to change our lifestyle to work in concert with our natural environment. Happy holiday season everyone. And this website is so wonderful. Thank you to the publisher of same for creating it! Everyone needs to stop worrying about making everyone in a family “happy”. Our family has attacked our addiction to materialism directly and Christmas was affected but also very much celebrated. With music, decorating and food we don’t usually eat (we call it special time food). If that makes someone unhappy, we really have no control over that at all. Some members of our family have tried to give us money as we are making our own laundry soap and have gotten rid of a lot of our things. This made us laugh because we are not poor and suffering just trying to change our lifestyle to work in concert with our natural environment. Happy holiday season everyone. And this website is so wonderful. Thank you to the publisher of same for creating it!

]]> By: Alexandra http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/#comment-40036 Alexandra http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/?p=1350#comment-40036 My late grandma was always the intense driving force behind celebrating Christmas. It was always a big deal when she came to town and she and my dad spent the holiday butting heads about nearly everything. Since she died, things have been a lot more chill. My husband and I fly out to see my parents (cross-country) but it's just a vacation really. There's no pressure to celebrate Christmas any more than we're inclined. We go to some parties, exchange a few little gifts, and generally just hang out and enjoy each other's company. My dad is easy to shop for--I usually run across a book sometime during the year that's perfect for him and his many interests. My mom usually gets me something like a DVD, and I usually don't get her anything in return because she's very hard to shop for. She understands and doesn't mind. We all have the means to buy small things like these that we want, so we don't try too hard to guess what other people want by buying Christmas presents for them. My late grandma was always the intense driving force behind celebrating Christmas. It was always a big deal when she came to town and she and my dad spent the holiday butting heads about nearly everything. Since she died, things have been a lot more chill. My husband and I fly out to see my parents (cross-country) but it’s just a vacation really. There’s no pressure to celebrate Christmas any more than we’re inclined. We go to some parties, exchange a few little gifts, and generally just hang out and enjoy each other’s company. My dad is easy to shop for–I usually run across a book sometime during the year that’s perfect for him and his many interests. My mom usually gets me something like a DVD, and I usually don’t get her anything in return because she’s very hard to shop for. She understands and doesn’t mind. We all have the means to buy small things like these that we want, so we don’t try too hard to guess what other people want by buying Christmas presents for them.

]]> By: SharleneT http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/#comment-39443 SharleneT http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/?p=1350#comment-39443 From the beginning, we rarely went overboard at Christmas, which did put some noses out of joint. I let my children select gifts (because that's how they learn) with a $10 limit but helped them make sure it was a gift the person receiving it would enjoy. But, as the years passed, our skills let us make more of our gifts, either edible or crafting, and that's what we did. I refused to let the commercialism of Christmas overwhelm the point of a small remembrance to someone special. What I always found outrageous was when parents would buy very expensive items for their children to give adults! If the kid wasn't earning the money, was anybody fooled? I'm a firm believer in NOT giving gifts to people who say they don't believe in giving gifts at Christmas. If you don't believe in giving gifts, then don't accept gifts. Saying you don't want to hurt the giver's feelings is no excuse. There's a happy medium and that means not breaking your bank just to fulfill someone else's idea of what THEY think they deserve. Bottom line, everyone should decided what and how they want to handle gift-giving at Christmas and follow that ideal. From the beginning, we rarely went overboard at Christmas, which did put some noses out of joint. I let my children select gifts (because that’s how they learn) with a $10 limit but helped them make sure it was a gift the person receiving it would enjoy. But, as the years passed, our skills let us make more of our gifts, either edible or crafting, and that’s what we did. I refused to let the commercialism of Christmas overwhelm the point of a small remembrance to someone special. What I always found outrageous was when parents would buy very expensive items for their children to give adults! If the kid wasn’t earning the money, was anybody fooled? I’m a firm believer in NOT giving gifts to people who say they don’t believe in giving gifts at Christmas. If you don’t believe in giving gifts, then don’t accept gifts. Saying you don’t want to hurt the giver’s feelings is no excuse. There’s a happy medium and that means not breaking your bank just to fulfill someone else’s idea of what THEY think they deserve. Bottom line, everyone should decided what and how they want to handle gift-giving at Christmas and follow that ideal.

]]> By: Juliebee http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/#comment-39383 Juliebee http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/?p=1350#comment-39383 To the original poster: Try to do what I did. At the last Christmas we all bought expensive gifts, I announced that we were having to scale back financially and there would be no gifts from any of us for more than $10 next year. One gift per person from our family. I told them they were welcome to do as they wish, but I asked them to please do the same. The first year, I bought gloves at WalMart for all of the kids, and decorated them with yarn embroidery. The adults got baked goods with the recipe enclosed. The next year, the kids got yarn embroidery hand-decorated socks (the ones with the sticky things on the bottom), also from WalMart. Last year I made scented soap for everyone. It was fun to make! (The guys were amazed that their soap actually had a masculine smell. lol) This year I haunted all of the thrift shops all year long and the kids all got blankets/throws, some actually handmade, to which I added handmade embellishments. Every time we get together the kids want to know what I am doing this year and the adults comment on how much they enjoy the home made goodies - my homemade pumpkin bread was the biggest hit. Next year I am thinking about making winter wreaths for each household for the adults - not Christmas, cause they only work a few weeks, but winter themed that can be used all winter -- the evergreens in my back yard are beginning to cringe as I walk by. The few who do not like what we are doing will either get over it, or not - everyone else is having fun trying to find good gifts for under $10, and no one is suffering financial hardship. To the original poster: Try to do what I did. At the last Christmas we all bought expensive gifts, I announced that we were having to scale back financially and there would be no gifts from any of us for more than $10 next year. One gift per person from our family. I told them they were welcome to do as they wish, but I asked them to please do the same.

The first year, I bought gloves at WalMart for all of the kids, and decorated them with yarn embroidery. The adults got baked goods with the recipe enclosed. The next year, the kids got yarn embroidery hand-decorated socks (the ones with the sticky things on the bottom), also from WalMart. Last year I made scented soap for everyone. It was fun to make! (The guys were amazed that their soap actually had a masculine smell. lol) This year I haunted all of the thrift shops all year long and the kids all got blankets/throws, some actually handmade, to which I added handmade embellishments. Every time we get together the kids want to know what I am doing this year and the adults comment on how much they enjoy the home made goodies – my homemade pumpkin bread was the biggest hit.

Next year I am thinking about making winter wreaths for each household for the adults – not Christmas, cause they only work a few weeks, but winter themed that can be used all winter — the evergreens in my back yard are beginning to cringe as I walk by.

The few who do not like what we are doing will either get over it, or not – everyone else is having fun trying to find good gifts for under $10, and no one is suffering financial hardship.

]]> By: Rob S. http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/#comment-39192 Rob S. http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/?p=1350#comment-39192 Our family has decided to do a white elephant gift exchange because there are just too many in our family for everyone to buy something for everyone. Now we simply buy just a few gifts and we have a fun time together doing the white elephant exchange. It has scaled back on the "Wheres mine!" from the kids and the out of pocket expense but has increased in fun and enjoyable family time. My wife and I have really gotten into making gifts for people...wether its a rustic picture frame made out of twigs, or tea light candle holders out of small diameter logs, Our family has decided to do a white elephant gift exchange because there are just too many in our family for everyone to buy something for everyone. Now we simply buy just a few gifts and we have a fun time together doing the white elephant exchange. It has scaled back on the “Wheres mine!” from the kids and the out of pocket expense but has increased in fun and enjoyable family time.
My wife and I have really gotten into making gifts for people…wether its a rustic picture frame made out of twigs, or tea light candle holders out of small diameter logs,

]]> By: Jennifer http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/#comment-38931 Jennifer http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/?p=1350#comment-38931 In our home, Christmas is the Nativity of Our Lord. We observe Advent with Advent candles and don't decorate until Christmas Eve, then relish the joy throughout the true Christmas season, until the Epiphany of the Lord. Bending ourselves and our home life to the liturgical calendar as opposed to the secular and commercial calendar has been very freeing. It stung at first, but now the season is full in a way that all the "gifts" - really, obligations - never ever approached. Our families are reasonable about exchanging gifts. In our home, Christmas is the Nativity of Our Lord. We observe Advent with Advent candles and don’t decorate until Christmas Eve, then relish the joy throughout the true Christmas season, until the Epiphany of the Lord.

Bending ourselves and our home life to the liturgical calendar as opposed to the secular and commercial calendar has been very freeing. It stung at first, but now the season is full in a way that all the “gifts” – really, obligations – never ever approached.

Our families are reasonable about exchanging gifts.

]]> By: Rick http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/#comment-38910 Rick http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/?p=1350#comment-38910 We are what you call Born Again Christians (Baptist), and to us Christmas is more about our faith beliefs and our family. We get a few presents for each other and we get our 2 children somethings and they get us a couple of things nothing real pricey and that's it. I love it - no more going into hock and worrying over bills etc. I get stuff all year round when I need it. I don't wait for Christmas to get a tool I need in July. It makes Christmas a lot more fun! The biggest thing I worry About is the extra pounds I have to take off after eating all them Christmas cookies. Our extended family knows our beliefs and they have accepted it. They got tired of going into debt too and are now trying our type of Christmas. We are what you call Born Again Christians (Baptist), and to us Christmas is more about our faith beliefs and our family. We get a few presents for each other and we get our 2 children somethings and they get us a couple of things nothing real pricey and that’s it. I love it – no more going into hock and worrying over bills etc. I get stuff all year round when I need it. I don’t wait for Christmas to get a tool I need in July. It makes Christmas a lot more fun! The biggest thing I worry About is the extra pounds I have to take off after eating all them Christmas cookies. Our extended family knows our beliefs and they have accepted it. They got tired of going into debt too and are now trying our type of Christmas.

]]> By: Victoria http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/#comment-38891 Victoria http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/?p=1350#comment-38891 In the past years we have scaled back as a family, its been a little tough for the "shoppers" in my family but they have gotten used to it! At first we decided to do a Secret Santa for the adults, drawing a name out of a hat, where each person had written their name and 3 ideas for presents under a certain amount, the children get their presents as usual (however I have been known to buy a better "shared gift" for siblings- as I do for my two boys!). This year we lowered the price of the Secret Santa by half and are doing a "grab bag" type present without the list, we'll make a game out of it. I think even the "shoppers" have appreciated the scaled back costs and less stressful Holidays! In the past years we have scaled back as a family, its been a little tough for the “shoppers” in my family but they have gotten used to it! At first we decided to do a Secret Santa for the adults, drawing a name out of a hat, where each person had written their name and 3 ideas for presents under a certain amount, the children get their presents as usual (however I have been known to buy a better “shared gift” for siblings- as I do for my two boys!). This year we lowered the price of the Secret Santa by half and are doing a “grab bag” type present without the list, we’ll make a game out of it. I think even the “shoppers” have appreciated the scaled back costs and less stressful Holidays!

]]> By: Ellie http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/when-christmas-isnt-so-merry/#comment-38816 Ellie http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com/?p=1350#comment-38816 Try to start the conversations way before Christmas, to set expectations before the emotions of the season kick in, and to give them time to process the idea of toning it down. It's a big change for some, and already isn't getting a warm reception at first. We started by revamping our gifts to others first - we buy baskets at the local Goodwill and each family member contributes something homemade to the basket - and that is what we give to others. Then hubby & I started weaning family members from buying us gifts. If they insisted on buying gifts for the kids, fine. If they really wanted to get us something, please donate to a charity, write it on a card and let us unwrap that on Christmas. Pretty sure they all thought we were crazy until 2 yrs ago when my mom asked us all not to buy gifts but to donate our time in a creative way and then share that with her at Christmas. We still have family members that think we're nuts and go crazy at Christmas, but we don't let them define how we celebrate. We try to be as gracious as possible, donate what we don't need, and try again next year. Maybe one day they'll realize that slowing down the season actually helps them enjoy it too. Try to start the conversations way before Christmas, to set expectations before the emotions of the season kick in, and to give them time to process the idea of toning it down. It’s a big change for some, and already isn’t getting a warm reception at first.

We started by revamping our gifts to others first – we buy baskets at the local Goodwill and each family member contributes something homemade to the basket – and that is what we give to others.

Then hubby & I started weaning family members from buying us gifts. If they insisted on buying gifts for the kids, fine. If they really wanted to get us something, please donate to a charity, write it on a card and let us unwrap that on Christmas.

Pretty sure they all thought we were crazy until 2 yrs ago when my mom asked us all not to buy gifts but to donate our time in a creative way and then share that with her at Christmas.

We still have family members that think we’re nuts and go crazy at Christmas, but we don’t let them define how we celebrate. We try to be as gracious as possible, donate what we don’t need, and try again next year. Maybe one day they’ll realize that slowing down the season actually helps them enjoy it too.

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