Comments on: When Should You Get Involved?

By: Kelly

Kelly

My heart turned over when I got to the last comment by Kim. Kim, even though this may have happened to you many years ago, I am going to keep you in my prayers now. I believe God is beyond time, and can still help you. I was married to an abusive man for 13 years and my kids and I are still working and praying your way out of the scars he left us. God Bless you Kim!

By: Kim

Kim

Once upon a time, I was that little girl. Please, do not personally intervene, it will only be worse for the child once they get home. Having to look forward to being punished for something you did not do is bad enough, but when you are then accused of appealing for help and drawing attention to yourself, the punishment is that much worse.

Call the police, let the professionals handle it. Although my experience with that was much the same as in the above story. Mother talked her way out of it time and again and nothing changed.

By: Melonie (Momma & More)

Melonie (Momma & More)

I agree with several other commenters who mentioned that there may have been something behind the scenes – especially the parenthetical about “her husband may have walked out on her”. My ex-husband did exactly this, several TIMES, and I’m sure I wasn’t the calmest person to deal with. I tried to keep things under control with my daughter, as I do have a parent who was physically abusive – but not everyone is even aware they are “losing it” on their kids. Sounds like this woman had some mental issues or a serious case of stressed out-itis. It’s possible even that her daughter had been making her nuts all morning long and did that *one last thing* and Mom just couldn’t shut up about it, or let it go. (I’ve had that happen too, unfortunately.)

If it were me I’d have asked the other customer to approach the woman *with* me, and I’d have calmly as possible told her that we had both seen several scenes between her and her daughter – and that it seemed like she could use a hand with the shopping. Perhaps the three of us could do the aisles together and help each other out?

One more thought that comes to mind with the mom’s mental health is schizophrenia. I wonder if she *thought*, truly believed, that her daughter was doing something she shouldn’t have been? If this is a common issue in that family, we’ll never know – but the daughter would know, and would know that arguing she’d done nothing would get her nowhere but further in trouble. Hmmm.

It could well be that said policeman had a talk with Mom and found out the kids are driving her bonkers, or her hubby left her, or she lost her job, or whatever. All we can do is hope and pray – and maybe remind each other to band together and help if necessary.

By: candy

candy

well i was out eating with my 3 kids and my daughter would not stop screaming. play screaming but screaming so i poped her mouth not hard but enough for her to know i meant for her to stop well she got mad and when she put her head down to cry she missed her arms and slammed her head on the table. her nose was bleeding. and at that moment some lady decided i had abused my child and caused a huge sence. so i was mad and things got bad. so when i see soemthing i remember that and think wow did i really see everything? so i am careful before i say anything.

By: SAHMmy Says

SAHMmy Says

That situation seems to have gone above and beyond normal motherly impatience. Hopefully her brush with the law will remind her to keep calm from here on out–in the stores and at home. I have to say, though–I’ve often lost my patience with my son in a store, and only one time has anyone confronted me. I was at my wit’s end and asked my son, “What’s wrong with you?” An elderly lady answered, “Nothing, Honey–he’s just little!” I was so thankful that there was a wiser, calmer, helpful person there to remind me to parent gently. So my answer to your question is, step in not only if you think you’re witnessing abuse, as in your example, but also if you can see that it’s a simple case of impatience. I would certainly appreciate being kindly reprimanded.

By: Marie

Marie

You’ve got to be careful with stuff like this, there could be things going on you know nothing about. It’s very hard to make a judgment when you’ve only observed someone for a few minutes of their life. This situation sounds a little extreme and like intervention was warranted, but I would hate for someone to use situations like this as an excuse to judge any parent that finds it necessary to discipline their child in public.

IMO the best way to approach the situation would be to ask the mother if she is alright, if there is anything you can do to help her. She could be suffering from PPD, or there could be something going on in her life that she doesn’t know how to handle. Something as simple as being kind to her can make a very big difference and turn things around in a more positive manner.

By: Melanie

Melanie

This is an issue so very dear to my heart. I am brought to tears as I read this. The Lord intervened in this situation.

ALWAYS go with your gut. No matter what others say, you have to do something. Never assume you are overreacting. Most of the time others feel the way you do. I have been in a similar situation where I asked the store to call police. Reluctantly, they did so. Turns out the family had a history.

Never feel bad for sticking up for a child. You may be the only one who does. It may be awkward, but you can walk away knowing you did it for the right reasons. Remember, it isn’t You against The Mother. She may need help, too.

By: Hollie

Hollie

First I have to say what you witnessed is abuse..You may not of witnessed the phuiscal abuse of a child but you did witness the verbal abuse of one and that will break a child more then a quick tap on the butt. I know this from first hand experience.

As a child I had a mom who was very verbally abusve, and who had mental health issues. She should NOT of had custody of us. A child who is yelled at on a daily basis will lose self esteem, will lose the will to live, will lose so much of what they could of been.

What do I wish happened when I was younger? That someone spoke up loud and clear. That when someone got that “gut” feeling they did something, anything.

Now as someone who didnt know she was abused for years till I managed to get to university and learned there that my home wasnt reality for most. I have learned how to act on my “gut” to help. If that radar goes off please as a once child do something. If you know who the parent is then make that call. If you are out in public like this alert management.

We truely are a global village and there might be a child who needs to know there are adults who really do care.

By: Kristie

Kristie

I would be hesitant to intervene because I would wonder if the mother would take it out on the little girl after she had left the store. I agree, it does sound like something bad was happening, but I think intervening might make it worse. It is so hard to tell. I can see why you were glad that the decision of what to do was already made for you by the store clerk.

By: sarah o.

sarah o.

I just recently went to a meeting about preventing child abuse. Something the speaker said was to get involved in those type of situations. He said just by offering to help with their cart, or saying you remember those days with little ones can make the person realize that people are watching their actions and that help is available. So, I would say to get involved. In a nice way. Just by commenting on how tricky it is to be a parent isn’t condemning their actions, and helps them realize you know how it is.
The man talked about two instances where people didn’t speak up and children died. All the neighbors afterwards said they thought stuff was going on, but NOT ONE of them had spoken up about it. Even saying to the parent, “hey do you need a night off?” let’s them know, again, that you notice what is going on. Maybe they would open up and tell you what is happening in their lives.
I don’t feel comfortable calling CPS on someone, but maybe if I told them I was concerned about their kids and was considering calling CPS.
So, again, my opinion is to get involved.