Comment by Kathy F.:

Four years ago, we ‘bowed out’ of Christmas. My family was hurt, and even though we carefully explained why we would no longer be celebrating Christmas, they were still confused and shocked. However, time has eased those feelings, and they now understand and don’t make any comments about it.
That said, not celebrating Christmas really takes the pressure off of this time of year. We can drive around and enjoy the pretty lights on the houses at night, the good food (that’s always on sale this time of year)– all without the pressure and hassle of buying gifts, and meeting other people’s expectations. It is now a lovely time of year that we very much enjoy. AND, we don’t have to spend any money on gifts that might not be ‘quite right’.

Comment by Trixi:

We have been scaling Christmas back for a few years. I too am interested in what others have to say on this topic.

Comment by Di:

People get too caught up in the commercialism of Christmas. Last Decemeber we got rid of our cable tv service, best thing we did. We did this not due to finacial hardships (though the extra $$ has been nice!) but because of commercials. When we go round friends with TVs on 24/7 it amazes us the amount of commercials. You become more aware of the commercialism that surrounds us DAILY!

Regarding gifts, well we did the ultimate and moved countries, lol! Not a solution for everyone I know but it sorted our problems out! if family want to spend christmas with us, they come to us! Seriously though, instead of getting wrapped up in your families existing ‘traditions’ branch out and create your own family traditions.

Gifts, well this one is something I don’t have much experience with, as our family long decided that only kids count. Adults don’t get gifts unless they are direct family (brothers/sisters) otherwise you just buy the kids. When all said and done its gift time for children anyway.

On a side note, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about these celebrations and why we celebrate them. I’m not religious in any way but I celebrate the secular nature of christmas. Afterall it’s hard not to as we get the days of work! But I am looking into WHAT I am celebrating a lot more. Why do we feel the need to crazy at these holidays?

Comment by Hil:

I, too, have been trying to convince everyone that it’s all right to have just a few gifts under the tree – we don’t need to fill the living room. I almost feel as if the economic downturn has helped me to remember what is important…what I need and don’t need. And it has convinced my family, finally, to see things my way :-) We are paring down to two gifts per person in our small immediate family. In the larger family, we do a “Secret Santa” draw. It’s a lot of fun, especially with the kids!

Comment by Esther:

Christmas is a religious holiday for me… not for my extended family though.
I might bake a special tin of treats for my siblings and their families… and for my children there are presents… small gifts for 1-2 close friends… but nothing much, it is the thought that counts. We enjoy open house at our Pastor’s home christmas eve… and during the season trekking around in a caravan to see lights…New Year’s Eve is an all night watch service at church, followed by a pot-luck and fireworks outside in the parking lot… that ends the season.
We also try to watch “Scrooge” every year… one of our family traditions…

Comment by Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks&Me:

After our first child was born, we told each of our parents that we were celebrating Christmas at home rather than spending it on the road. We promised my in-laws that we would celebrate Thanksgiving and Easter with them, which we did until both had passed away (which means for years and years).

My mom didn’t care as long as we came to visit whenever possible, which meant a few visits during nice weather to my home town. Very enjoyable as there were no Holiday expectations.

We only purchase gifts for our kids, son-in-law, and grandchildren. Even then we keep it as inexpensive as possible. I make cookies and candy for friends and other relatives. Since none of them do any baking themselves, they really enjoy it.

We found long ago that we had to create our own traditions and decide what was best for the family. One thing that helped us was that we did not live in the same town when that decision was made and it stayed even when we moved back to my hometown.

Comment by Deon:

Christmas doesn’t need to be piles of presents under the tree. It doesn’t have to be, but we’ve all been brainwashed to think that’s the only way anyone will be happy and still love us . It’s ridiculous. We have a set amount of money we spend on everyone outside our house. We do tend to spend more than we technically should on our kids, but not on anyone else. This year may be different with the economy being the way it is. We made the decision a few years ago to scale back a bit, and this year it may be even more. People will just have to deal with it. I will not go further into debt to please others’ need for more “stuff”. Everyone will get something nice and thoughtful and meaningful. That’s really the way it should be anyway.

Comment by Mimi:

I can’t really add much to the things said above. My extended family is very extended – we do not celebrate with any of them. Just my husband, my mom and my kids – and we buy for my in-laws as well, though we don’t see them, usually. I am divorced (and remarried) so my kids have always had to juggle Christmas with 2 sets of parents and 3 sets of grandparents. I decided 2 years ago that the hassle – which often included driving for 1/2 the day on Christmas day – was not worth it. My ex and his family celebrate Christmas for religious reasons. We do not. We moved our celebration to New Year’s Eve, and have never looked back. Just emphasizing that creating your own traditions can make life much easier and family time more signifigant.

Regarding gifts, my mom and her many brothers and sisters draw names for each other, as do all of my cousins now. They also set a spending limit so there are no hurt feelings. Hubby and I only buy for our parents and my kids – and we also budget per person (though we tend to go a little over budget with the kids. :) )

My mom loves to shop for Christmas, but I have slowly been convincing her that we don’t just need more “stuff” and she is starting to tone down her spending as well. I will still buy her figurines or whatever she is currently collecting, though, because that is what she likes.

We just made our choices and have stuck to them. The holiday stress is gone, and we can just enjoy our time together. :)

Comment by Maureen:

A few years ago, my sister came up with idea of doing a grab bag for all of the adults. The limit is $25.00 and giving gift cards/certificates are not allowed. We each write a “wish list” of 3 items and the person who draws the name picks one of the items from the list. We pull names on Thanksgiving after dinner. We still buy presents for the kids but don’t go overboard. Even though my daughter is an adult and participates in the grab bag, I still buy for her because after all she is my daughter. I also buy for my husband.

This year I am making my neices and nephews Christmas presents. When my grandparents died, I took some clothing items of theirs. I bought some unbleached muslin and I am going to make the kids pillows with appliqued hearts cut from the clothes. In order to save on costs and postage, the ones who live out of town will get only the squares, and their moms can assemble the pillows for them.

Comment by Ruth:

We’ve decided on one big gift for the entire family this year, something that everyone will get some use out of. I bought us a Wii! I got one used, so it fits with my frugal and ecological rules, and while it is expensive, I know we’ll all be playing with it six months down the road. And it makes it easy for us to figure out what to get each other; controllers or a new game.

I haven’t travelled over the holiday in eight years, and that makes it my favorite time of the year. I do the tree and all the trimmings, but all the time I have makes it truly special. I can bake, make my own ornaments and cards, and create new traditions for my family. I think this economic downturn may be just what we need to get us back to normal!!

Comment by Jena:

I’ve thought about making donations to charities in my family’s names, but quite frankly, I love gift-giving: the wrapping, the boxes, the ribbons… and both sides of the family (Dad’s side on Christmas Eve, Mom’s on a TBA date) do a white elephant gift exchange, which we love, because there’s a price restriction ($20-$25 for us) and you can implement other restrictions or themes (camping, entertainment, road trips, whatever). One year I found a beautiful, brand new shawl at a garage sale–and I submitted that for the white elephant. (My uncle ended up with it, which was really funny.)

This year, I moved to Canada with my husband and I can’t attend the family holidays, much as I want to. (If I go back to Ohio, there’s no guarantee I’d be able to come back to Canada because I don’t yet have residency, not to mention it’d cost more than $5000 and immigration costs are not cheap.)

I know white elephant exchanges are called lots of other things, but the general rules are here if you’re unfamiliar with the idea: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_elephant_gift_exchange

Comment by hillbilly momma:

It is the gathering together – the sharing in joy – Last year around Christmas, mom who is 82 gave the girls in the family a gift they will never forget – a memory! She asked all of us to dress up in old formals – mom dressed up too of course – we even dressed the 1 year old in a “formal” – I found a waist length slip and put elastic across the back cut the straps and tied it around her neck – very cute (Fifty cent day at the thrift store helped out with the formals.) We polished the nails, put lip gloss on the little girls and all of us put on all kinds of old gaudy jewelry. Then she had a few parlor games for us to play. We decorated the dining room table so beautiful it would make you cry – we even had real flowers left over from a wedding. Mom got out her good dishes and we filled them with finger goodies some good for you and some not… She had her good china cups and poured tea for everyone. We had some kid sized china for the little girls. The eyes still shine when they talk about that little tea party.

Comment by orneryswife:

For several years I have made calendars for family members. My husband takes beautiful photos, and sometimes I use pictures of the family, others just scenics, and one year I made a cookie calendar with a dozen different photos and recipes, one for each month. The calendar has every family member’s birthdays and anniversaries listed on the appropriate dates, and serves as a reminder should anyone be so inclined to send a card or greeting. The cost is not very much when you consider the value, especially if you have your own color printer, but I often found sales on color copies, and companies would give me a discount on large quantities.

I have also always made certain people gifts, mostly because they have everything they need, but also because it is less expensive, and comes from my heart. I do love giving, and give a great deal of thought before spending my time or money on a gift. Recently, however, I have noted a lack of appreciation on anyone’s part, so this year, we are cutting way back and only giving to those in the family we see often.
tm

Comment by Judy:

Here’s my two cents worth. Decide what you and your spouse want to do and then just do it. Tell both of your families what it is and let the chips fall where they may. They will get over it or they won’t. You have to live in your skin, they don’t.
Which for us means, we only spend a limited amount on Christmas for our children and we have an ‘open house’ Christmas Day. I fix a Mexican Buffet complete with a hand-made pinata. We laugh, visit and have a good time. Sometimes one of us will feel crafty and make something for everyone. One year I made a flour sack tea towel and pot holder for the women; for the men a remote control holder for their recliners. Everyone is please because no one is expecting anything.
The first couple of years may be rough with hurt feelings but I would bet money you are not the only one who is tired of ‘Whoville’ Christmas scene.
Judy

Comment by Corrinne:

Christmas with our relatives was always stressful and almost always ended badly. A few years ago we decided to have just a simple and meaningful celebration at home and that has continued. Now we really enjoy the holidays. My advise, do what is right for you and your family.

Comment by Jon in France:

The run up to Christmas isn’t normally so bad on the commercials front in France: it is the custom that things don’t start really until early December. It’s noticably earlier this year: shops are desperate to sell stuff!

We’re not expecting any family for Christmas this year – they are in England: they can’t afford the time and we can’t afford the boat fare LOL.

So we can have our simple Christmas instead: midnight mass, a modest selection of gifts, some friends around for a four-hour marathon lunch with a little fine wine and then a nice family evening. Much more my sort of thing than the consummer fest.

Comment by hillbilly momma:

The year my daughter was engaged we had very little money to spend on a Christmas tree but I wanted to make one last special Christmas for her before she moved out. I sent the kids all out on a search for a soon to be bulldozed cedar tree from one of the many empty lots in the subdivision where we were living. While they were out I made cookies and hot chocolate. The kids brought home a fine specimen and we went through the ornaments we had made over the years and loaded them on the cedar tree with a set of 25 year old lights. No expensive tree ever looked better.
During that night I smelled something awful in the house… Just couldn’t sleep – whew… So I got up and followed my nose. The stench seemed to be coming from the tree. I hurriedly pulled the ornaments and the lights off the tree and threw the tree out the house door. I put on all the vent fans and got out some Cinnamon sticks, etc and boiled it make the house smell good again. Whew it was powerful. Then I climbed back in bed and since I could breathe, I went to sleep. A couple hours later, my son and husband got up and they got real excited – there were does all over our yard. Must have been a dozen. When I got up they were still looking out the window at the does and trying to figure out what was going on… How did a tree get in our yard? Didn’t we have a Christmas tree in here last night? WHAT? It was the tree attracting the does – seems some buck had a special tree and our soaking it in water kind of activated the scent ‘Eau de doe’? We had does all over our yard as long as that tree was in it. Powerful stuff. When the future SIL came back over he noticed the tree was missing but we had replaced it with boxes draped with an old green fabric tablecloth (looked weird) and then decorated with the ornaments – he probably wondered what kind of nut case family he was getting into – first a cedar tree then odd shaped boxes?
On Christmas, after we opened all the gifts future SIL thought we neglected to get him a gift. He looked so forgotten… Then we told him he could just keep the “tree” and he could “mark” that one himself. Since our future SIL was remodeling his house we had all chipped together for his Christmas gift (Someone we knew was selling a toilet for a really good price.) and that is what was in the weird shaped boxes we draped to replace the cedar tree.
I found out later that sometimes you can get a good price on a tree if you wait until the rest on the lot are mostly sold out – just not much selection – not all cedar trees smell like that one – if you ask, some times a farmer friend will let you take a cedar tree – they aren’t all that desirable to have on the property so they bush hog them anyway.

Comment by Dionne Obeso:

I get frustrated almost to the point of feeling ill when I go to the in-laws’ for Christmas. My husband and I each get a pile of cheap crap that we will either throw away or donate (his mother and step-father let each of their small children pick their own gifts for us, which end up being things like stinky bath sets for me and tools that we don’t need for him). We also get a PILE of presents for our toddler son, many of which we will also donate because I feel like he doesn’t need the noise and flashing lights and insanity to be a happy child (and we don’t want it, either). A mere mention of scaling back makes my MIL cry, but I hate to see such waste.